I was away recently in the UK house and dog sitting.
It was a stunning day, we were staying in a gorgeous house with an amazing garden and I was there with my boyfriend (now ex). There was a running race that ended outside the house. We were watching the runners coming in after their 10-mile run in the sweltering heat.
At the time my mind was in turmoil knowing that my relationship was coming to an end but unsure how to raise the subject and end it. My previous blog mentions this relationship and although it has been wonderful and has made me realise I am lovable and can have a relationship, it wasn't to be this one and I had to let go it.
I have spent my life thinking more about others than myself and not being true to myself.
I've managed to change this over time and I am starting to put myself first (obviously trying to account for the other). It was incredibly painful and sad to say goodbye.
To the outsider we may have looked like a carefree couple, living in a stunning location with two gorgeous dogs and the status car on the drive.
None of this was mine. Would I want it? Probably not. I am happy with my very low-profile life and knowing that I don't have to run myself into the ground to be able to afford the lifestyle associated.
I think we all have moments of the "grass being greener" but I am learning to be thankful for what I have, my family and friends and how far I have come on my recovery.
We could all wish we had acted differently, made different decisions, taken different paths, but quite frankly I'm grateful for where I am and consider it a great achievement that I am still on this wonderful earth.
A Moodscope member.
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