Members that regularly comment on the blog will have seen that I had a funeral for my youngest daughter this week. We do not know the cause of death and have to wait weeks for the post mortem results.
She had lived in the antipodes for the past eight and a half years and at some point was diagnosed with BPD/Emotional instability. She never understood how beautiful and talented she was.
She was at times a self harmer and to escape her mental problems she turned to drugs.
Earlier this year she returned home to the UK, as she was too ill to look after herself and her partner could not cope any more.
She had two older sisters. One of my other daughters also had some health issues and she too had to return home when her mental health deteriorated.
It was a very difficult time and I wrote this poem:
At Sea without a Compass
Fred and I are cast adrift, at sea without a compass
When I heard of my child, in the clinic again
My emotions shut down, cos I can't take the pain
My younger child too, in pain and unable
To even share a meal with us at the table.
I feel strange and estranged, sometimes deranged
To whom can I go, when we all hurt so?
But now she is gone and we still go on
I can take heart at least, that now she's at peace
When I wrote to ask for hugs I had a wonderful response from the regular contributors. Thank you for all the hugs that helped my tears to flow. It is so heartening to feel the love and support of an online community, who have some experience of the vagaries of mental health.
Thank you for listening.
A Moodscope member
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