Friday, 14 April 2017

No, you can't have a 3.

How do you go about scoring the different cards on the Moodscope test? I've been wondering about this a lot recently. Last year was a really difficult year. I loved my job, even when challenging. I loved the team I worked with even though they could be difficult too.  But it all came to an end and we were made redundant. Inevitable, and we had plenty of notice, but it didn't fail to feel like the end of the world.

I was back on the job hunt after many years in the same job. I was well known in the area I worked and people came to me for advice. I'd built a network of support and spent time reaching out to new people coming in. I felt strong and in control. All that was taken away. I needed to prove that I could do my job.

Fast forward to now and I'm in a new job. It's easier in many respects, harder in others.   I've found a team that are great and I feel like I fit right in. So, I ask myself, having managed to overcome another bout of darkness and actually managing to get myself through it, why do I not score a 3 on the red cards? In particular, I rarely give myself a 3 for Strong and especially not for Proud. I mean pride comes before a fall, right? Strong people are often stubborn? Oh, and I'm rarely Alert as I'm always tired (the joys of a co-sleeping toddler).

Then one day I noticed something. A tiny detail. It was quickly sorted whilst I was on my way to deal with something else. I realised at that moment that if I wasn't alert then I wouldn't have noticed this detail. So surely then I wouldn't have dealt with it? I started to question what each of these different words mean. How I am attributing characteristics to them based on my own personal experience. So, I looked differently.

Yes, I am proud. In the past 6 years, I've qualified in my field of work with a Masters.  During that time, I had 2 children and 2 losses. I've changed jobs. I've run a small business on the side. We've kept a house going whilst working full time and with a young family. I've said it before, I feel this makes me privileged and sometimes when I'm sipping red wine whilst sitting in bed I still feel like a fraud for feeling depressed. But I also am starting to see how this makes me strong. And I'm proud to be who I am.

How can you look at things differently today?

MoonandJupiter
A Moodscope member.

Thoughts on the above? Please feel free to post a comment on our blog on the Moodscope web site:

https://www.moodscope.com/blog/no-you-cant-have-a-3