Saturday, 1 April 2017

My score is down – so what?

You know the pattern, do the test, see your score, read that message that says something like "This is the way it is... feeling worse than you were the last time you took the test... better than your worst ever... below your average"

It would be great if we all had that special someone we could turn to when that score drops relentlessly down – I haven't, I thought I had but it didn't turn out like that.
I'm not saying that for anyone to be sorry for me, just simply a rather sad statement of fact.

So today my score was down – again!

So what?

I know I'm vulnerable: Moodscope confirmed how I felt, but I was maybe reluctant to admit to myself.

I know that I must avoid people who are negative
I know that I should keep active, ideally take some exercise
I know that I should try to understand why

These actions are easy to understand and two of them pretty simple to do. That final one's much more tricky.

I can't speak for you, but my mind's sometimes a deep dark place. It's hard to understand something that you can't see, find hard to describe, can only feel. A feeling that you are being eaten up from the inside, going numb, looking inwards inside yourself. Being sucked down and down into the heart of a vortex of desperation.

Sometimes my understanding of why comes easily: some events that have triggered my feeling down. These times it is sometimes a case of getting the events in perspective.

It sounds defeatist, but most times I really can't fathom out why, so the best I can manage is to summon up all my strength, do those first two actions and wait...

For me exercise is often the best defence I have. It doesn't have to be a frantic run, just a gentle walk will often be enough. I've tried very hard for over a year now to do things that will make me happier with myself – maybe you have as well – losing weight, going to the gym, starting a running programme.

The problem is that it takes very little for all that effort to be squandered, procrastination to set in and all my horrible little inner gremlins to take my mind over.

Then I don't run, don't go to the gym, eat like a pig. That's today we are talking about.

That's where my Moodscope comes in, because when I do that test again tomorrow morning (I personally always try to do the test when I first get up) I get a measure of how I'm getting on beating those gremlins.

So today my score was down again.

I have written this blog hoping it may help someone else as well as (by writing it) helping myself. I'm going to the gym now – well I think I am, if procrastination doesn't win.

Moodscope shows me I can be much better, it's one day at a time. Wish me luck for tomorrow!

David
A Moodscope Member.

Thoughts on the above? Please feel free to post a comment on our blog on the Moodscope web site:

https://www.moodscope.com/blog/my-score-is-down-so-what