There's a card on the Moodscope test (which we all complete diligently every day, of course), "Excitement", which carries the explanation "looking forward to things."
Many of us are all too familiar with the grey cloud which descends upon us and sucks all the enjoyment out of life, so that we feel unable to look forward to anything, even those things which normally, when we are well, bring much pleasure.
But I am looking forward to 2017. Mostly because it will mean saying goodbye to 2016. In management speak, 2016 has been a challenging year; in Chinese curse terms, it has been interesting.
Of course, nothing is altogether bad and nothing is altogether good. Another Moodscope friend of mine described 2016 as, "It was the best of times. It was the worst of times." Yes, that too, for many of us, I guess.
I have decided to take only the good memories with me into 2017.
One of the challenging, interesting but wonderful things of 2016 has been having my son Tom come to live with us. Tom is chaos in human form. He is a hurricane which has disrupted the quiet and ordered running of this house. He is spontaneity itself whereas my husband likes to have everything scheduled. He is untidy (like me), when the rest of the family like to have a place for everything and everything in its place. He will argue passionately and stridently for his point of view, rather than politely agreeing to differ.
He's certainly livened up things round here.
In the last month he has formed the habit of saying, "Hey Mum! Do you want to come out to see a film?"
(I don't want to see a film. I don't want to do anything.)
"Alright," I say, without enthusiasm. "When?"
"Right now. Fantastic Beasts/Miss Peregrine's/Moana's on."
"Well, Okaaay... When does it start?"
"Five minutes ago."
So we dash out of the house, and manage to take our seats just as the last trailer before the main film draws to an action-packed close. And I enjoy the film very much. Even if I have to take a nap afterwards.
Until yesterday I had not realised that this was causing stress for my husband. I was going out with Tom and not with him.
"Fair enough," I said. "I would love to go out with you; you just have to take me out."
"Yes, when you're well again."
And there, I realised, was the crux of things. My husband puts everything on hold when I am ill with depression. Tom realises that, although I may not have much energy, even though I may not be able to drum up much (or any) enthusiasm, if he takes me somewhere, I will enjoy it.
So our joint new years' resolution, for my husband and me, is that we will just do things, regardless.
Although he will probably need to schedule them in the diary at least a week before.
(And I rather like that about him.)
A Moodscope member.
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