Friday, 29 July 2016

To my loved ones, when dealing with me on 'A bad day'.

I don't want to hear you say that it's perfectly normal – there's no such thing as perfectly normal, and I'm not aspiring to that anyway thank you very much. Trying to normalise how I feel makes me feel invalid in feeling this way at all; that my feelings aren't of any significance or importance and I should just stop crying/worrying/stressing as there's nothing out of the ordinary that warrants these reactions.

I don't want to hear that everyone has them. I'm sure they do, but I don't care. I don't have the emotional ability to cope with my own bad day right now, let alone consider anyone else's.

I don't want you to helpfully point out reasons why I could be having a bad day – it's generally unhelpful, and often there is no clear cut reason why. Realising this just makes me feel worse for daring to have a bad day for no reason whatsoever. (You know that even if we do discover one, it doesn't actually stop me feeling the way I feel, right?)

Similarly, I don't want you to suggest a list of 'strategies' that could, as if by magic, eliminate my bad day. I will already be acutely aware of what I could do to help myself; if I'm someone that's been through any kind of therapy you can be assured that I'll even have my own list that I've diligently spent time compiling, of all the things that I know can help lift my mood. The problem, you see, is being able to execute these plans - which as we know, becomes Mission Impossible when experiencing a 'bad day'.

I do however want you to simply acknowledge and allow my bad day, without treating it (or me) as a problem to solve.

Most importantly, I do also need you to know that I reserve the right to exasperatingly change my mind completely. Because once we've got past the acknowledgment and allowing stage, and logic and reason have set in, I do concede that all of the above would actually prove quite useful, especially when delivered in a kind and genuine manner by someone who loves me and only wants to help.

Yours, from a complex but now much calmer place.

Fiona
A Moodscope member.

Thoughts on the above, please feel free to post a comment on our blog on the Moodscope web site:

https://www.moodscope.com/blog/to-my-loved-ones-when-dealing-with-me-on-a-bad-day