At the end of my last blog was the following Thought for the Day.
"Every day is a new day, and you'll never be able to find happiness if you don't move on." Carrie Underwood
While I can see that it might seem to fit with the theme of moving on from a grief ambush, its sentiment is not one I agree with. Well it's true that every day is a new day, unless perhaps you live in a black hole in space, but the way I understood it was that Carrie is suggesting there's a mythical golden state of happiness that we can all attain, if only we can let go of the past.
We all have 'stuff' going on in our lives, mental and physical, some of it extreme and I think that happiness is available wherever we are, including in the middle of our not-moving-on-ness. Of course it fluctuates all the time, its appearance as cyclical as other emotions sparked by illness (mental and physical), grief and the relationships we have with those around us.
Sometimes it's easy to see, imbuing us with its rays from inside or outside, other times not recognised until after the moment has passed and we look back. For many, it may well feel like it's gone forever as we go through a tunnel, but at the back of the knees, or wherever it lives, I think happiness is always present, ready to pop out, even if only fleetingly.
Moments in my life where it's appeared recently have been when playing football with my son and his younger friend, who spent the whole time giggling infectiously as he scampered round my lumbering figure; swimming outside in the rain and seeing some ducks landing on the blue waters of the municipal pool; watching an episode of Graham Norton as my daughter fell asleep on me, and having a good-natured banter with colleagues at work. Flickers of happiness that boost me through the days.
Achieving something out of the ordinary can make you happy too. I once mended a tap that had been switched off for months because it leaked. It involved me ordering a ceramic disk thingy online and watching how to do it on YouTube. I'm grinning inside now when I think that I, Ms D.I.Y. Disaster, did something that my male friends had said needed a professional.
So to summarise (counsel), I'd argue that happiness, or the memory of happiness, is there inside all of us in our static state and connectable at any instant; and that one facet of my ongoing recovery is seeking that connection as often as possible when the mind starts to tumble down.
A View From the Far Side
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