Sunday, 14 February 2016

A lot of loss.

My son was home from school with an ear infection and, while I worked on my laptop, he watched a Star Wars movie. The beautiful sound track called me away from my work and I sat beside him on the couch. We snuggled up together. A perfect moment.

In the movie, Anakin arrives too late to save his tortured mother. He takes her dying body in his arms and swears vengeance on all who killed her.

And I started to cry. Silently.

I thought my son wouldn't notice. Until the tears dripped down his neck.

"Why are you crying, mum? It's just a movie,"

"I'm sorry," I answered. And yet the tears wouldn't stop.

Anakin utters the simple but powerful words: "I miss her so much."

And more tears came.

Now, my son is upset. I am his Florence Nightingale. When he or his sister are sick, I look after them. That's my job.

But now I was crying.

At a movie

At a Star Wars movie.

And I couldn't stop.

"Sometimes even I get a bit sad," I explained.

"Why?" he asked.

"Because... like Anakin, I miss people too."

And in that tiny moment, I thought of my birth mother who I've met a handful of times, my lovely father who died last year, my aunt who I adored, my friend who I miss terribly and my former husband who I loved once and thought I would spend the rest of my life with.

And I thought to myself: That's a lot of loss.

My son gave me a ginormous cuddle.

He reminded me that the mother dying is the least of Anakin's problems. Which is a good point!

We all have loss. And some of us feel our sadness on a very deep and dark level. And the oddest things can trigger the pain.

What makes it bearable for me is those cuddles. Rarer now because my children are that bit older and self-conscious.

Rare but so very precious.

Salt Water Mum
A Moodscope member.

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