One of the first times I was depressed back in the early nineties, when days were very dark and full of self-harm thoughts, I sought many ways to attempt to 'move'.
One of those strategies was to consider; if I only had six months to live what three things would I do?
One of the three things I wrote down, was to call my father and tell him that I love him.
This is to a man whose harassment and physical abuse in my mind, pretty much killed my mother (she died of cancer when I was fifteen) as I now firmly believe that living a stressful life can at times cause such disease. He had also been physically violent to me and his fists were his 'words' when drunk and angry.
Some of you may remember I wrote a blog about my father 'The Gift of Darkness'
Now while I only came to that 'gift' a few years ago, I did make that call in 1993 and uttered those words.
He simply said "I've had to sit down, my whole scalp is tingling and I don't know what to say."
I simply replied, "You don't have to say anything, I've said what I wanted to say."
While we still didn't really converse much after that and he continued to live a kind of drunken and bullying life, where he could never touch or hug me, even if I asked; I did have the courage to tell him what I felt at that time.
It meant for me that I had moved on – that I had forgiven – that I had taken into account the life he himself had lived with two other siblings, each from a different father with a mother would have beaten him badly.
Who do you still need to forgive?
I believe that everyone is 'doing their best' with what they have (See Brene Brown's new book – Rising Strong). That may mean that there is still a requirement to realise that there are repercussions to behaviour and at times a requirement that it may change. For us, we at times need to make the effort to help and not 'hit'.
And as I said last week – 'If you don't have time, it's not important enough'.
Taking the time to do what came in response from my spirit, to the questions about having only 6 months to live, resulted in my world being kinder as I had just made it so.
Do you have the time and courage to make your world kinder today?
A Moodscope member.
Thoughts on the above? Please feel free to post a comment on our blog on the Moodscope web site: