Sunday, 27 December 2015

Train of Thoughts.

I am still struggling, as I indicated last week.

And having just completed my mindfulness session, I am very aware of some aspects of my life, which at present with the darker lens I view it through, that I blame myself for.

I have maybe said before, that I believe for many (including myself) self-hate is a real source of depression.

I find that there are so many things I could/should do each day to seek to lift the gloom and yet I seem to lack the energy or desire to do so, which draws from and also amplifies those negative thoughts about myself.

I can then hear a trusted friend say "Les, I wish you could be more kind to yourself."

Then the phrase 'Love what is' comes in to view as I return to the wisdom of the mindfulness track that I have been using – which offers the thought that of course our mind will 'see' certain things which take us away from the focus on our inner self and the body scan that I follow.

The real wisdom, for me, is the statement that we should simply notice these thoughts (good or bad) and then return to focus on becoming more self-aware of our body and to a place where we focus on our inner selves and 'love what is'.

When I am in this difficult place, the tendency is to move away from this inner journey as I can start comparing myself with others and constantly seeing them as somehow better or happier. This makes me more uncomfortable as I judge myself harshly.

Although we all make judgements, (it's what we as humans do) I know that we should simply let go... especially those self judgements when we are low.

So once again I focus inward and become more self-aware of what my body is saying and to 'work' on quieting the mind which is so bombarded with images and inputs; learning that, at the end of the day, my world is inside my head (unique to me, as yours is to you).
Crucially I look for trusted friends to help me through my 'trough' once more.

The key is to find those trusted compassionate friends – where we can speak without judgement – truly authentically as we show our weakness, and it is in that place from which we can gain strength at last.

To go anywhere worthwhile – we will always go together.

A Moodscope member.

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