Well, the last time I felt this constantly nauseous, I was sitting on the loo watching two blue lines appear on the little white stick. And the last time the stomach cramps were this bad it was the norovirus!
So, what was it? I was fairly sure that, after two children, I had found out where they were coming from and put a stop to it, so I wasn't pregnant. And I didn't feel ill particularly. Maybe I had suddenly become wheat intolerant.
So I gave up wheat. Things got slightly better, but not much.
It was my GP who helpfully (and far too cheerfully, I felt) said, "Oh yes; nausea and stomach pains are common symptoms of anxiety."
"Oh." (I wasn't conscious of feeling particularly anxious.)
"And anxiety is often a forerunner to depression or accompanies it." (Looking down at my notes and nodding wisely.)
And she was right, blast it. After three weeks of feeling sick and having my insides audition for internet troll status, the dark pit opened up under me, or the leviathan swam along and swallowed me up, or the black dog sat on me – choose which analogy works best for you.
That was two years ago.
This time when it happened I was a little more prepared. And attentive. Yes – I now noticed how I have frequent nightmares about turning up for a professional engagement having forgotten my equipment, about chasing a train down the track because I have missed it by seconds, about watching my children fall into the river and get swept away (very silly – they are both exceptionally strong swimmers).
So this time it wasn't quite such a surprise when the depression turned up, hit me over the head and dragged me off into the darkness.
Hey ho – here we go again.
On the plus side, the stomach pains have gone away, as has the nausea. I mean, I don't have an appetite particularly, but I'm not having to mainline ginger ale just in order to cope. And the insomnia means no nightmares. There's always a bright side!
And next time it happens I will be prepared. I will know what's coming and will start the medication earlier.
Any new information that helps us learn more about our condition and how to manage it is good. Maybe not always pleasant, but positive all the same.
I'd encourage us all to pay attention to our symptoms, to monitor ourselves and keep records. The daily Moodscope test helps with that, especially if we use the note function with it. I believe it's the responsible thing to do.
We may not like the results of the test, but ignoring our symptoms doesn't make them go away. Ignorance is not bliss, ignorance is putting your head in the sand like the ostrich, who leaves his bottom out as an invitation to get kicked.
I don't know about you, but I don't like getting kicked around.
If anyone's going to do the kicking, it's going to be me!
A Moodscope member.
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