"People don't remember what you say – but they always remember how you made them feel."
I have used this phrase many times, to offer an insight for people who may get lost in the detail of what they are presenting or writing.
In such a data driven world, most will focus on giving the facts, believing that this is what is important. For me however and I'm sure for many others, it is the spirit with which anything is delivered...the underlying 'intent' that counts...and thus how it makes us feel.
For the listener, if we do not feel comfortable with the speaker, we will find ways to either ignore, or even to ensure in our own 'heads' that these facts are actually false.
We will find ways to convince ourselves that they are not credible, or from the wrong 'tribe', or were wrong last time, even that the person delivering these facts is wearing the wrong clothes or even tie, speaking too quickly, saying politically incorrect things, of the wrong gender, has unprofessional hair, anything in fact that will be a disowning statement.
If the spirit of what we are hearing is 'false', even although the 'facts' are correct, we will not believe them. We WILL believe the only thing that is factually true to us - our feelings.
Our feelings are our REAL facts, and emotions ARE our human reality, as our first reaction as a person, is not rational – it is emotional.
I also believe subliminally, that feelings are why we have mostly turned away from the second least trusted profession in UK life – politics! Politicians are so bad at what they do, few trust them and yet they still carry on from the wrong spirit, rarely telling us what THEY are going to do, simply, almost constantly, talk destructively about anyone else.
In other situations we are all too often told to leave our feelings aside, for example, that work is simply about being an unemotional 'robot'! So we've also often demoted the importance of being aware of our feelings in school, in work and often at home...yet for me and many others, that is ALL that matters...how we feel.
How can you be more aware of how you make people feel, when communicating, face to face, by text or email?
Can you make someone aware of how they make you feel? You are not criticising them, they have the choice then of being aware of the most crucial aspect – the real communication, that of the heart and how they make you feel.
What can you do today to become more authentic about your feelings and make your world more real?
A Moodscope member.