Friday, 31 July 2015

I'm a slow learner.

I'm possibly going to state the obvious. Inside the fog of depression, I didn't really know this until years had gone by, and I wish someone had told me way, way back. This might not be applicable to all but it might be helpful to someone.

Depression has different times.

There is the 'I'm in it and I can't see anything else' time.

There is the 'I've seen where I've been and I have an idea how to trip it up' time.

And the 'I've boxed it, glued the lid shut and sometimes I even crack a smile' time.

Now, for me, I have the first two of these throughout the year. The first one has been my main unwelcome companion and I only rarely shed it. Using Moodscope has helped me see when in the year it is at its worst and that helps me to ride it, like surfing a wave. No. That's glamorising it...it's more like a bucking bronco. The second one is where I'm spending more time as the years pass and it's my aim to grow this time. The last one I have visited before, just the once (properly), and so I know I can get there again. But I also have each of these over a week, sometimes a day, sometimes it changes in the same hour. I might wake up in one, travel to another and head back before dusk.

Part of what I've learned over the years, and what is allowing me to have a little comfort, is to recognise which time I'm in at any one spell. This helps me adapt. I don't always know I'm falling but I certainly know when I've hit and then I can remind myself of where I am and what I can expect of myself.

Before I knew this (and you may all be rolling your eyes at my naivety!) I just felt like sludge all of the time and, without an end time, it really grinds. I never know how long my times will last but it does help to identify them. I may even name them. But I'm not sure they are polite, repeatable names for public posting. In fact I know they are not! :-) They all begin with the same letter.

Do you already look at your depression in this way? If not, then let this roll around your head for a while and see if it might alter any of your thinking. Keep travelling.

Love from

The room above the garage.
A Moodscope member.