Tuesday, 30 June 2015

Head, heart, nature.

I came across Moodscope some years ago through listening to founder, Jon Cousins being interviewed on Radio 4's Midweek. I was interested so logged on and did some scores.

However, more than the scoring, I found Jon's daily blog inspiring and thoughtful and it  became my habit each day to read this and this deepened further with all the blogs from the Moodscope members.

I have never known or been sure – am I depressed? Sometimes I think I am an imposter – yes I get sad sometimes (quite a lot of the time), I struggle to be happy – but depressed – no, that is surely when one can hear someone is dead to the world, their tone of voice becomes dead pan.

I don't know if there is a definition for "depressed" – lately I have begun to say (at least to myself) "I am depressed" or to others "I have been very low lately". There are some happy days but they seem to be in the minority. I think it is as a result of personal work I am doing on myself and I hope I will soon come through to the other side.

I have made myself a list of "Things to make myself feel better" which I may share at a later time.

Today I just want to share one: go in to nature.

When I had some unexpected time today, I let my car drive me to a place where I know I can walk in the woods, hear no traffic and hopefully meet no-one. I parked and opened the door and my heart opened instantaneously – through hearing the sound of the high pine trees swaying in the strong winds today. Five minutes later as I walked, I realised all the depressive thoughts in my head had gone, replaced by a heart awareness of the sounds of the wind, the shapes of individual trees, the bright luminescent green of some moss, the colour and textures of the different barks, seeing many young shoots as a plant springs to life on the forest floor. For a while I feel connected, expanded and not at all depressed!

Melanie
A Moodscope member.