I recently listened to a Ted Talks video by Andrew Soloman 'How the worst moments in our life make us who we are'. Listening to this has completely inspired me to fulfil an ambition that I have held since childhood. The video is a short talk with the resounding message that rather than look to find an identity in order to give ourself a meaning, we should instead forge meaning and build identify from there.
I sit here today having been through experiences in my life that have shaped the person that I am. These experiences cannot be changed. No amount of dwelling on them, looking at "what if's", what could have or should have been is going to change what has happened in my life or the choices I have made along the way. What I do have the power over is how I move forward. The first step for me with this is acceptance of who I am as a person.
I have had to work hard at forgiving myself for some decisions I have made in life, I have had to work hard at forgiving others for decisions they have made that have impacted me in a negative way. I have had to work hard at accepting that I am loveable and worthy as a person. Much of this is still work in progress, but I have to come to realise that my life and all the experiences within it have meaning that can be used in a positive way. My history makes me who I am.
As a child I always said that I wanted to write a book. Writing is my form of creativity, my cathartic release. And so, feeling inspired by Andrew Soloman, that is exactly what I am going to do. I have a story to share that may just go some way in helping others who can relate to my journey, others who may be in the same situation or have been there. I have taken great strength from the lyrics of Emile Sande's song "Read all about it" over the past few months and realise this is exactly what I want to happen. I have a voice and I can use that to speak up and reach out to others. I don't need to erase my history or be ashamed of having experienced depression. I need to embrace all that has been and learn from it so that I can continue to grow. I have needed the words, wisdom, and support from others on my journey and I hope to be able to offer the same service to others struggling on their own journey.
A Moodscope member.