Tuesday, 17 March 2015

Dear Bipolar...

Recently I read letters to people who were writing to their illness or their loved one's illness. I decided to write to mine.

Dear bipolar,

I do not feel like saying dear to you or being at all kind or friendly to you. Why should I when you have robbed me of the best years of my life? What did I ever do to you? Do I sound angry and bitter, well I was for many years.

You do not have a good media image, your PR could definitely do with lots of help and accurate information. You mightn't know this, but having a mental illness 40 years was seen as something shameful. My mother would whisper about me to friends and family. Telling people you had bipolar could mean being dismissed from some jobs or prevented from starting others. Now things have changed but it isn't easy.

I have so many questions. Why oh why did you pick the age of 16 just as I was in my second to last year at high school to really introduce yourself to me. I was on the brink of a promising academic career and just starting to mature into a young woman. Instead, most of my academic dreams were taken away and I spent the next 6 years spiralling from mania to depression causing chaos in my life and shattering any plans I had of a peaceful life.

 I know I am lucky, because everyone tells me, that I didn't have some terminal or chronic disease. I know this, but that doesn't mean that you have not had a negative effect on my life.

I will admit from you I learned compassion, patience and never to judge people by what they look like or how they behave. I also learned to be humble, grateful and appreciate even the very small changes in life.

Okay, maybe I am responsible for some of my bad decisions and that I shouldn't be so hard and always eager to blame you for everything that has gone wrong in my life.

I think I will always wonder what if you had never come into my life, what if, I had been able to pursue my dreams, what if I did not have to worry every day about what mood I am in and how it will effect everyone and everything.

I know we can never be friends but I am tired of battling you, blaming you for everthing that has gone wrong in my life and being angry so maybe we can have a truce.

I know I am who I am today because of you and for that I thank you.

I am curious to see what role you will play in the senior years of my life. I feel I deserve a break and a peaceful time - do you agree?

Look forward to your reply,

Leah

This was  just a writing exercise, but I was surprised what emotions came out.

Will you to write to your illness an what will you say?

Leah
A Moodscope user.