Saturday, 21 February 2015

Feeling watchy!

I have two beautiful sons and a lovely husband. Life was galloping along nicely. So I was shocked to get pregnancy-related psychosis recently (apparently affecting around 1 in 1,000 mums). When I asked for professional help my symptoms had passed, but I have access to great support should I need it. I believe other mums aren't so lucky given the postcode lottery for such services.

Despite experiencing terror during my psychotic episode there were enjoyable times. At one point, having lost my inhibitions, my usual reserved self was singing operatic-like at home, no longer caring about neighbours. Normal for Katherine Jenkins perhaps, not for me! I became the voice. I released sounds I never knew I could.

I now sing (never the right words!) and dance along to the radio each morning while my oldest finishes his cereal. He likes taking his time. We look at each other with, I like to think, a mutual adoration (or he's thinking 'She's embarrassing!?'). Either way, we smile and laugh. My littlest is possibly silently wondering what kind of family he's arrived into?! My current favourite song, 'Hey Brother!' (I only know this lyric!), is by Avicii. I challenge you not to sing along, mount your imaginary horse and bound across a pretend beach. My son even grabs some reigns for this!

My eldest is now 3. I learn so much from him. Like recently, watching TV with a drink of milk ready for his wash, stories and bed (not really liking milk - or 'mick' as he says - TV is a bribe!). I went to turn it off. He suddenly declared "I'm still feeling watchy!". He'd wanted more TV! I think how children develop is amazing. My son generally approaches life without inhibition. He just goes for it, even inventing words! He's in good company. Bill Bryson's Shakespeare biography says he was a prolific word inventor to.

Soon I see a psychiatrist (specialising in mums). I'm apprehensive. What will she say about my experience and how will I feel?

Anyway, feeling 'bathy' and 'chocolatey'. Off to get one and eat some!

Jen
A Moodscope member.