Thursday, 2 October 2014

Was it post-traumatic stress?

Post-traumatic stress is recognized as a form of mental illness, as a result of things like serving in a war zone, observing some terrible event and so on - I wonder why that has never transferred itself to the stress that any of us might experience as a result of losing a relationship.

That loss can be a sudden death, an unexpected marriage or partnership breakdown or even a serious illness like Alzheimers that may remove a person from sharing the same kind of relationship as we may have had with them before.

In my case it was my ex husband suddenly walking out with no warning. I came home from a meeting, there were many things missing from the house and the briefest scribbled note on the TV saying 'sorry, I've left'. From that day to this, he has never explained in detail what his reasons were or why.

I was already in depression following other problems outside of the marriage - loss of my Mum two years before, unemployment, conflicts with my in-laws, and a physical condition I hadn't even realised had got worse.

What I went through after my ex's sudden departure was very definitely post traumatic shock and stress, but it was never really treated that way or named. The physical symptoms of shock were with me for months afterwards and I only have to think about that night to have them return. I have learned to deal with it by 'reaching for the better feeling thought'.

This form of mindfulness extends into a daily meditation and I can use it whenever I need, to deal with situations that would previously have brought on tears and desperate feelings of hopelessness, at worst suicidal ideation.

The transition has been slow but it is now showing results in all areas of my life and I am so grateful to those who helped me to find my positivity again.

Jenny
A Moodscope Member.