Saturday, 9 August 2014

A time of reflection.

I waken to a world of gray cold drizzle. It is my favorite weather. I especially love it if I can be at my lake cottage (the Fort). It is reminiscent of a tree house. Located in north central Florida, it is a very old cobbled-together patch of two cottages and three outbuildings. It is a deeply fragile ecosystem. So fragile that, if I were God, humans would never have begun to inhabit Florida.

Wild animals romp across the beach and two rescue dogs along with three rescue cats fill my world. I am an educator/writer.

The year has flown by with five hospitalizations. Two heart issues, one triple-fractured pelvis, one cardio monitor implant, and one new hip. These medical issues join osteoporosis in my hips and lumbar, scoliosis, fibromyalgia, severe arthritis, two years of blacking out with a few falls and broken bones, anxiety, depression, PTSD, nerve damage to my hearing, and eyesight failing .

For the first time in my life, I am not working ~ I am on a Family Medical Leave of Absence while my pelvis heals and I get my hips replaced. It is a time of reflection. A time to write, to sketch, to design, to compose music, to choreograph and to take a really truth-telling look at my life's journey.  It has been a richly-textured non-traditional journey.

Most days I have no regrets. Okay. Some days I have no regrets. IF I could do a 'dream makeover' version of my life I might:

Avoid humans who suck their teeth and spit;
Do away with childhood violence;
Crush violence brought on by 'significant' others;
Refrain from free-floating anger;
Keep a distance from humans who leave one feeling less than and lacking;
Do away with having to listen to cell phone conversations;
Conquer war, hunger and disease;
Avoid an intolerance to alcohol (my ethnicity is Cherokee Nation/Irish - think about it);
Do away with having to clean my house;
Avoid the word "tolerance"; I prefer "acceptance" and believe it is far more significant; and refrain from romantic relationships where my partner leaves me when confronted with twelve-foot alligators on the cycling trail;

If I could avoid all these things then maybe I would be a much different human being. Yet, I adore who I am. Right now.

A Moodscope Member