Saturday, 7 June 2014

Judgements - Are you both judge and jury?

"Judgments are tricky. They pop up automatically. Practice catching yourself judging someone and consciously shift your focus to a heart attitude. The head tends to judge but as you shift to the heart, you will learn to release the judgments and replace them with compassion." The How To Book of Teen Self Discovery, Doc Childre.

We all judge - its what humans do - we do it without thinking and then if we are more wise than clever (or is it simply older?) we put that instantaneous judgement through a more compassionate 'filter'.

I always remember the Stephen Covey story of the man on the underground.

Picture yourself on a quiet subway ride home. Everyone is quiet, there are several people sleeping while others are reading. Everybody as usual, is minding their own business and avoiding eye contact. At the next stop, a man gets on with some children. The children while OK initially, progressively become noisy, then very disruptive by throwing things and finally running up and down the aisle. Just kids behaving badly?

You now catch other passenger's eyes, and clearly 'see' that you would all like the man and these kids, to get back off again. You attempt to let it go - simply unruly children out of control. Then as it gets worse, the kids start bumping into people. You now attempt to catch the father's eye to indicate to him that things are getting too much - but his head is down - it's as though he just doesn't care - yet his kids are now dominating the whole carriage.

Finally as the stress and noise levels rise, you turn and say to the man ˜Excuse me, but your children are being noisy and disruptive, maybe you could do something to control them please." The man almost in a daze, as though he simply doesn't care, lifts his head up, slowly turns and states "Oh sorry. We have just come from the hospital, their mother just died and I guess they don't know how to handle it, neither do I."

Now, right away, you feel bad for the man and your whole paradigm (the way you see the world) shifts and you now want to help him not chide him.

How many times a day do you judge without knowing? How many times a day do you have that internal conversation about how you perceive other people - due to their actions, or size, or dress or car or hair or their overt religious beliefs? How many times do you talk with whoever you are with about what you 'see' or even worse, agree with their instant judgement of something or someone, to 'fit in' and not rock that judgmental boat? To be a peer popular?

How about today - 'seeing' it from a different perspective and seeking the back story as to why this person that you are judging - behaves or dresses or whatever, in the way that they do? Could you give up your own position of 'knowing' (or is it ego?) to move more into your heart and offer a different spirit to that mostly silent interaction?

What's your score out of 10 for judging today - and what could you make it tomorrow?

Your world is your choice.

Les
A Moodscope member.