I recently read a book by Gay Hendricks called 'The Big Leap'. It suggests that when we worry, blame or criticise ourselves or others, we have simply encountered what he calls the 'upper limit problem' or ULP. This limit is set in childhood and it's what stops us from achieving our true potential. Just by developing an awareness of when we have reached a ULP (some clues are criticism, blame or worry-thoughts) it's a sign that you are about to break through to a new reality, in to something entirely different, outside your comfort zone (the big leap). But our ULP stops us. Hendricks says that if you overcome it, you will lead a happy and fulfilled life ALL OF THE TIME. (The view that life is yin/yang, all about ups and downs etc. is a myth, he says).
I wondered whether the new mindset I acquired from reading Hendricks book could help me with the ups and downs. In fact, my mission is to conquer them (I haven't done so yet, but I think its down to practice).
Now, every time I have a worrying thought, I deal with it if it is within my power to act, and I dismiss it immediately if it is outside my control. When I find myself criticising others or myself, I think 'how intruiging! What's going on around me that's making me reach my ULP?', and have then turned my attention to naming the fear inside.
For example, when I over-reacted to my 5 year old spilling some apple juice the other day, I realised that the real issue was a fear brewing inside me of a meeting I had to go to the following day. It had been bugging me all morning and the kitchen/life/everything was getting more chaotic by the minute as it played on my mind. When I blamed my 5 year old for making the place a mess, I realised it was my mind that was messy. When I realised the problem, I apologised for overreacting and explained to my son that I was worrying about a meeting I had the following day. I was afraid that they would coerce me into leaving my current job to work for myself.
I decided not go to the meeting the next day. But I did name my fear. The big leap for me is to leave my job and work for myself. It will happen - but in my own time.
A Moodscope member.