Saturday, 21 June 2014

A Healing Crisis - Part 1

As a daily Moodscope blog reader I have gained much insight into the highs and lows of living with depression. I, myself do not have depression, but suffer from low moods and a bad temper. But reading the blogs has allowed me to understand depression and look at it from a different angle. There is a history of depression in my family, my mother and my sister both continue to live with it daily.

My story begins a little differently and starts with me finally reaching the end of a devastating divorce that has left me emotionally and physically exhausted. With my Fiftieth Birthday approaching I celebrated this new chapter in my life with a long weekend away with my daughters. On my return I threw a drinks party and danced the night away with my supportive family and friends and then also took the decision to put myself on to an online dating website to boost my confidence and get 'back out there and have some fun'!

Feedback from the site was great, comments like "Gorgeous Smile" and 'Fab Profile – would like to know more" were common. Just little comments like this could make my day and made me realise that there was life after divorce. The sadness and the melancholy feeling that I had carried for the past three years soon started to dissipate. How ironic that the one comment that was to pick me up "Gorgeous Smile", was also the one comment that would soon lead to me sinking quickly into another bout of low mood and possibly even depression.

It started on a Wednesday, an aching in my neck and back of my head, quite different from the migraines I had been plagued with. The pain in my ear was intense and although I managed to get through the day I started to worry as I fell asleep that this pain was not normal. I awoke the next morning still in pain and unable to sleep so took myself off for a walk. On my return I felt unwell and noticed the taste had gone in my mouth and face was feeling numb. My daughter thought I was having a stroke and I was rushed to A&E. Later that day I was diagnosed with Bells Palsy. By Sunday the facial paralysis had completely set in and my smile had literally been wiped off my face. This condition is different in every sufferer, it can take weeks, months or even years for the facial nerve that has been affected to repair.

I went to have some acupuncture yesterday; it's meant to be very good for Bells sufferers. My therapist talked at length with me and as she was leaving said "this too will pass, it is your healing crisis, when you get through this, you will be liberated". Kind words from a stranger that I will cling to and hope that I have the strength to do this.

Julie
A Moodscope user.