Tuesday, 8 April 2014

Hold the vision, trust the process.

It is time I admitted it, my name is Amy and I am an extremist. Yes I am your classic black and white thinking, it's perfect or its broken kind of gal. I've battled with a veritable feast of mind demons for over 10 years, a heady mix of OCD, depression and anxiety. And I've expended a great deal of energy searching for The Answer.

I have laboured under the belief there is one definite activity/choice/lifestyle that will free me from the dungeon, slay the dragons and all will be well forevermore. If only I could find it. This search has led me to try out (and swiftly abandon) paganism, vegetarianism, yoga, knitting, arranging my books in order of height, cleaning the house, refusing to clean the house, writing detailed plans, surrendering to chance, feeding squirrels, baking my own bread, watching films with subtitles etc. It has also led to some questionable decisions such as shaving my head and having an affair with my boss - just two shining examples.

While some of these activities are healthy and some mind expanding, the fatal error I have made time and time again is thinking that they should serve as an instant fix, rendering me OCD/depression/anxiety free. However (and partially thanks to Moodscope) I am slowly, and finally, learning that change happens incrementally, in tiny stages, but these stages are entirely valuable in themselves.

So at the start of the year in the spirit of resolutions, I compiled a list of things I wanted to achieve or change. Unlike the squillion other lists I have compiled in my lifetime I broke this down into each step I would take to achieve this change. And what struck me very clearly is that the big things wouldn't happen without the little stages. While previously I would dismiss each activity when it failed to be an instant fix, I can now see that they are a series of healthy and/or positive choices. Choices which will slowly but surely result in a healthier, happier life.

As an anonymous wise person said 'Hold the vision, trust the process'. Keep your focus on your vision and trust that by taking it a step at a time you can make it a reality. It made a difference to this hardened sceptic, so trust me anything's possible.

Amy
A Moodscope member.