Tuesday, 18 February 2014

Breaking down my emotions.

I started using moodscope as I felt myself struggling.

When I began I was at an epic low point. I had good intentions galore, but after a break away, I returned to my world and was affronted by a myriad of problems. I was lost. On my worst day I decided to do the Moodscope test. I also did it the next day and the next. I found myself allowing it to work for me. It wasn't worth fighting because it could actually help.

Moodscope has helped me to break my emotions down into manageable chunks. Instead of being overwhelmed by negativity, I have become able to identify on one day that perhaps I am feeling jittery and distressed, but in fact I am not scared and I can actually still say that I am excited about at least some aspects of my life. It makes the whole thing less categoric, and I can get to know my daily ups and downs a lot better.

The test works for me as a sort of magnifying glass, through which I can examine my reactions to each different emotion card and how they fluctuate, or don't.

Take the determination card for example. I am a person with set goals: I have an aspiration which I have been working towards most of my life and it is, in fact, a huge part of what I am. I'm forever working for it and, for my sanity, forever trying not to let it be everything I am. This aspiration and these goals have largely caused the depression which I have battled with since my early teens, from the pressure that I, and others, put upon myself.

However, having these aspirations and goals gives me an unwavering sense of determination. On a really bad day, when my goals seem very far and I would like nothing more than to never leave my bed, I can still comfortably give myself a two or a three for determination. On a great day, I can be elated and have achieved something good but my determination will remain the same. I am determined. All the time. And I'm quite proud of that. It's a life raft, in a way. It keeps me from scoring a zero, it's a small comfort when everything else is going wrong.

Maybe there's a card that's always flipped to the positive side for you. If there is?  Well done you. That's fantastic. It's certainly a quality to hold on to. Unfortunately this goes the other way too. I'm usually distressed and almost always nervous. But seeing these cards marking high most days lets me address the problem. Better the evil you know than the evil you don't, right?

Well, ten months after joining moodscope, I'm still scoring myself every day. Sometimes it's low and sometimes it's high, but on the whole it is a great deal steadier than it would have been this time last year.

I want to wish you a wonderful day, but in the case that you aren't having a wonderful day, I offer a knowing smile and I hope that your tomorrow is better. Record your emotions, good or bad, and learn from the patterns and repetitions. Get to know yourself better.

All my love and best wishes to each of you.

Rika
A Moodscope user.