Thursday, 13 February 2014

A contradictory enigma.

Do you sometimes feel like you are a mass of contractions? Ditto!

I feel strong and yet feel that at any moment, I may snap in two. I'm happy to interact with strangers but put me in room full of people I know, I can feel panic. I'm an extrovert but a virtual recluse. I'm calm and laid back, yet ever anxious. Going to bed, I often feel like I did the day before the start of a new school term - I want the world to end so that I don't have to go through with it. Yet, I push forward with life, scared of missing anything.

I despair at life and yet I love it with equal passion. I feel sadness in everything. I see beauty in everything.

Living and loathing life with equal passion is a delicate and sticky deal. It's like trying to take a tortoise for a walk at the same time as a lively puppy. It's frustrating and wearisome for all involved. When there are two parts of you, complete opposites, constantly vying for supremacy, it's hardly a recipe for emotional equilibrium. I want to 'dance as if no one is watching' and yet I want to fall to my knees and howl at the sadness and disappointments of life.

No other human will ever understand you as you understand you. Plus, understanding how complex and contradictory you are can lead to a greater understanding and empathy of others, not to mention, help forge peace with your biggest nemesis - yourself!

I like me. I dislike me. But I'll always be me. Better to nurture the former then because I sure can't take a holiday from myself.

Suzy
A Moodscope user.