Monday, 27 January 2014

Playing the Ashamed card.

Here's the nineteenth in the series of excellent blogs by Lex covering the adjectives on the 20 Moodscope cards. Please don't forget we'd love you to add any ideas, tips, insights or advice you may have that you'd like to share with other Moodscope members that might be of help. Many thanks. Caroline.

Ashamed – feeling shame for doing something wrong or foolish.

What a great word for "embarrassment"! Oh, I've embarrassed myself on many an occasion.  But do you know what? Most of the events weren't worth getting embarrassed about. I was always the one who cared most about the stupid thing I said or did. Others may have laughed "at" me, but they soon forgot. Well, usually!

As a frame can make or distract from a picture, so also the context can exaggerate or dissipate a sense of shame. This is where you can make a difference. If you are ashamed or embarrassed, excuse yourself (not by way of apology but by way of absenting yourself – Elvis must leave the building!)

This may seem almost cowardly but we all know deep down that trying to do something about the situation from a state of feeling ashamed rarely produces anything good. We've dug a hole and we can end up digging it deeper.

Better to leave as graciously as you can (even if only for 5 minutes to the loo), breathe differently, change your posture, refocus and reframe the event. Then you can return to influence the way the rest of the time plays out from a position of detached strength. A sense of shame often provokes the defence of blame. Better to dissociate yourself for a while and get a fresh perspective.

Of course, I don't need to remind you that everyone has made a fool of themselves at some time or other. Because of this, the simple and beautiful words, "I'm sorry," will resonate so powerfully with their heart that they will be moved. They may choose not to outwardly show this but humility and love is irresistible in the long run.

Lex
A Moodscope user.