We may imagine that, when needed, we're good at disguising how we feel, but the truth is we're often spectacularly bad actors. When I was chatting to a friend recently I explained that I thought my own mood had been 'so-so' of late. Neither particularly but, but not particularly sparkling either. (In passing, I've learned that this often happens and when it does, I simply need to accept it. Life's like that.) What was illuminating, however, was that Ali said she already knew I'd been feeling that way, as it had been showing in my writing, and that came as a surprise to me.
Inevitably, a bit of how I am makes its way into these written thoughts, but on the whole I try to avoid this. They should after all be about how you are, rather than me. The thing is, others can frequently read us like books, especially when they know us well. So maybe we should wear our masks less often, to be more open and honest? Clearly one does this when it's appropriate, and with the people one trusts. However, I think there's big value in letting others in, and your feelings out.
i think you are right about being more open about how we feel but I have never done this mainly because I feel not up to scratch most days and don't want to bring others down with me.But actually as I have never tried being open (or mindfulness Anonymous although I've made a start by googling the chap you mentioned!)I may just experiment with it and see what happens.
ReplyDeleteI also accept it as "life being like this" when I feel neither good nor bad and actually feel pleased I am probably on an equilibrium like I assume most people are.I am normal! Although being me, I would far rather be on a high (but that's not life I guess)
I do think one's mood does come across in creative writing; many such writers suffer from mood swings, depression and so on.However I also think Moodscope is for you too Jon.The reason we like it so much is because you are a human being,a fellow traveller who understands. But you are the best judge of your own behaviour. You should decide whether you want to tell us out here how you are feeling on any particular day. Rest assured we will understand and not judge you for it. We will love you just as much! And Caroline too.
Just picking up your comment about trying Mindfulness meditation I can recommend the Mindfulness courses run by Breathworks http://breathworks-mindfulness.org.uk. These courses started in 2001 in Manchester UK by the founder Vidyamala Burch but now there are course offered all over the UK and in other countries too - information on their website. They run two courses one aimed at people suffering from stress and one at people who have pain conditions. I came to it after reading Jon Kabat-Zinn's book 'Full catastrophe living' and decided to give it a go. I went to the course aimed at people with pain conditions, which I have also, but my intention was to help me manage my depression - so I felt I was slightly undercover as I thought I knew how to manage my pain conditions and that they had nothing to do with the depression I suffered. How wrong was I?
DeleteTo cut a long story short I gained great benefits for both my physical and mental health and because the people who run the courses often suffer too they just 'get it' so I felt totally supported and in an environment which was safe and nurturing. I still go back to the Buddhist centre in Manchester for drop ins and the occasional refresher session and know that I will enjoy my experience there and hopefully be able to contribute to other too.
I've learned that there seems to be, for me, no one simple solution to managing the depression I suffer but have found that Moodscope has made a significant positive impact on my life( I have used it every day since April 2010) and that Mindfulness meditation contributes to helping too- even though my practice is a bit erratic!
Thank you for this C A. I am definitely going to try Mindfulness. I had no idea it helped pain too.
DeleteI have heard nothing but praise for mindfulness.It may take me a while to get into it but I will report back on how I get on. Thanks again.
this is such a tricky one, I think, and all depends on distinguishing who or when to let one's mask down. when i get it wrong (eg. when asked How are you? and i don't trot out the usual, oh fine), I feel awful afterwards, exposed, embarrassed and most of all ashamed (do others struggle with shame? it seems to be such a common experience for me). Sometimes I smile and say "would you like the honest answer?" and then gauge the response. I have noticed that some people respond to this question very positively. Almost as if i've given them permission to do the same. Anyway, it remains a continual issue for me, as when it works, you feel a wonderful connection, but when it doesn't you feel mortified... I'd save my "real" self for close friends but they often are not the people i see day to day and i'd like to let the mask slip a bit more with others. After all, its not as if I'm going to stun them with anything too dramatic. I guess its about "owning" one's mood, however low so the other person doesn't feel they have to Solve it - i'm sure this rings bells with others here? some lovely friends/family are so keen to SOLVE the issue, i end up not saying anything. All i want is space to be more authentically myself I guess.
ReplyDeleteI can relate to all you write victoire. I would love to just be myself too;in every situation.However the world nowadays expects us all to be witty, on top form and sparkling whenever we encounter people. Ones face must fit. Many creative. intelligent people have fallen by the wayside feeling they do not live up to expectations.
DeleteI think everyone, including those who have to make a daily effort at work for instance to be cheerful and on top of things, even though they may naturally be happy people (it's still an effort to keep this behaviour going full time)..would benefit from stopping every now and again and getting back in tune with their real selves.
Hello again victoire
DeleteI have just seen your other posts on previous blogs and wanted to thank you for the one recommending Mindfulness.If you have found it helpful, then I am certain I shall and can't wait till I am back in the UK and have some time to myself to look into it.
Thank you again.
This is conundrum I have faced with my blog as I find writing a great way of discovering what is going on inside but at the same time too much inside out might be too much and also we don't want the whole world to know our frailities. However I really believe that writing expressively and creatively is a powerful way of helping mood. Editing and crafting enhances this. Poets have shared their insides with the outside world for a long time so why not?
ReplyDeleteAgreed 'Quirk on the hill' I find writing poetry
Deletehas sometimes healed my 'wounds' It's fun to play about with words e.g. perhaps open a dictionary and write the first word you see. Do this 4 times more ( so you have 5 words ) Then use those words plus a few 'ands' and 'buts' etc., to form a sentence that is meaningful ( to you anyway... ) Having said this, must go and do one myself !
I've got a few friends who can read my mood through my writing or my Facebook - I know that they can see through bolshy and bold postings and tell when I'm really hurting about something. I know that they worry because they care about me - but then I worry that they are worried, and it starts another whole negative cycle of worrying.
ReplyDeleteI think people need to accept that everyone has good days and bad days and some people just struggle more than others when things go wrong or life throws you a curve ball. It doesn't make you weaker, or stronger, than anyone else. It's just the way you are.
I see that Jon Kabat-Zinn has written several books on Mindfulness. Apart from the one C A Morgan recommended above,I don't know which one would be best for me as a complete novice.
ReplyDeleteFor me it was the Mindful Way through Depression. It also includes a CD, where he takes you through various meditations. I found his voice very calming. Still remember some of his phrases when I try and meditate (not as often as I'd like, my daily practice has lapsed). Its a very readable book, and for me was a breath of fresh air after how ever many self help books I'd tried...
DeleteNot sure if you'll see this, hope so!
V.
Julia, I found Jon Kabat Zinn's lecture on You Tube (it's had over 1.6 million views) more accessible and immediately inspiring than a book, and started using his guided techniques for depression, also via You Tube under Mindfulness Meditation. So no reading was required, you can just get going with it today.
ReplyDeleteExcellent. Thank you very much for this.
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