Although I generally love it when someone asks me for help, I'm not always the best at requesting it for myself. The other day I found myself leaving some business premises in the middle of nowhere, facing a thirty minute walk to the railway station in the pouring rain. As luck would have it, a woman was just dropping off some ordered food from a takeaway and after weighing up the fact that I didn't want to make her nervous, asked if she'd mind giving me a lift into town.
She didn't think twice, said yes immediately, and within minutes we were on our way while she explained that she was Polish, worked for an Oriental food business and had three children who didn't really like her going out to work. I reckon she enjoyed chatting, and probably felt good that she was helping a fellow human. (Most of the time I count myself as one of those.)
Asking for help isn't a selfish thing to do, because it can give the helper a buzz. And in my case it also got me to the station on time. I'm not necessarily talking about a big 'ask' - just something small. Why not give that a try today?
Thanks for this. Really good to be reminded
ReplyDeleteYes, I agree. We seem to feel more comfortable giving than receiving. But last week I found myself really needing some help. I was feeling very low and scared. Usually I just sit these feelings out, not wanting to inflict them on anyone else, but I felt so awful I just needed some company. So I picked up the phone and called an old friend. At the end of our conversation she thanked me for having contacted her. So that phone call made us both feel good. Worth remembering.
ReplyDeletedenisthemenace
Good to hear from you again denisthemenace but sorry to hear you haven't been that great. Like you I have to be really really low to call someone. You chose the right person to call it seems. I am not sure thinking about it now, who I would call but it may well be an old friend from school days, now you mention "an old friend".
DeleteI feel quite low today actually and coincidentally someone called me and left a message while I was away last week. I just picked up her message and called her back. Although she wasn't in, the very fact that she called me cheered me up no end.If I hadn't picked up her message today, I may well have considered calling someone myself.
I hope you are feeling better this week. I am not sure how this week will pan out for me but I have started to look into Mindfulness which so far has been quite inspiring. I am part way through the You Tube clip and also one of his books which was recommended on this site. Both were. I was very sceptical about trying yet another alternative cure. Anyway hope today is a good one for you.
ALTRUISM is often conflated with selflessness, that is not putting yourself first but being willing to give your time or money or effort etc. for others selflessly.
ReplyDeleteIf we reflect on the action of the Queen as she addresses herself in the looking-glass, in the story of Snow White, the answering projection is the reflection of Snow-White's not the queen's. However through this process we can gain a glimpse into our inaccessible futures which we ignore at our peril. It is only through self that we can appreciate others. In a healthy, protracted childhood we receive pretty well unconditionally all we need to remind us of our dependency upon others.
John Donne. “No man is an island entire of itself”.
Luke 6:31 "And as ye would that men should do to you, do ye also to them likewise."
In theory we all know that giving is more blessed than receiving.
But there’s also a flipside to that platitude. It may be more blessed to give than receive but it is more humbling to receive than to give.
I have no trouble with giving but receiving is something I have had to learn.
We love givers. We applaud their grace and generosity and desire to model their so called altruism but too often givers are not good at receiving. When you allow others to give to you, you give them the opportunity to experience the joy of giving. We find ourselves saying sometimes quite aggressively:
No it’s okay I’m fine
Oh don’t worry I’ll do it
No, no you don’t have to bring anything
If so, it may be time to adjust the balance and accept the gifts that are graciously offered to us.
In fact the giver is in a position of power, to receive is humbling. We would much rather give than to admit our need for help. I would rather be the one feeding the hungry than be hungry myself. However, when we have received, and learned to allow others to serve us it expands our compassion. Our giving becomes deeper and richer because we know what it means to receive.
By letting others share the load, they may not do it our way, but by humbling ourselves we reap the energy of others by allowing them to give. It is not only humbling but it allows others to learn through investing in us.
The key is to strike the balance between giving and receiving?
Matthew 5:5 reads:
Blessed are the meek (the receptive),
for they shall inherit the earth.
That is my problem I get fed up of people telling me yes I will do it tomorrow, I need everything done on the spot so I either do it myself and struggle or don't ask anyone knowing they will do it but at there time, and I can't change.
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