'Ever since you started hanging around with X, you've changed.'
It's one of those allegations which seems to get levelled in relationships which are struggling through a rough patch, the insinuation being that the accused isn't who he/she used to be.
The fact of the matter of course is that we do tend to take on the characteristics of the people we spend the most time with.
Socialising with optimists may give you a more half-full view of life, whilst being around those with a fundamentally pessimistic outlook might well drain your own glass.
Most of us have some around us who need to be there whatever the weather, but there's nearly always a ring in your social circle that's more discretionary - people you can choose to spend time with (or not).
I think life would quickly become bland if we opted to fill this ring entirely with 'happy clappers'. But isn't it worth going a little out of your way to benefit from being with those who generally lift your spirits rather than dampen them?
You know who I mean. Why not arrange to catch up with them?
Watching something funny on TV or going to see a stand up comedy show, one that appeals to your sense of humour (Tim Vine always makes me laugh) also lifts a low mood. The physical act of really laughing deeply,genuinely and spontaneously makes your whole body relax. You don't have to participate either, just sit there and laugh.
ReplyDeleteBeing with cheerful people does help sometimes as long as you don't come away feeling more inadequate than normal. Funnily enough, I can see the funny side of us all being depressed or being in the company of like minded souls. I don't mean it's fun being depressed for one minute. No. I mean that sometimes I have to laugh ironically at my constant negativity otherwise I get no laughs at all. Unless I see Tim Vine or Lee Mack on telly.
Great idea to hang out with happy people but be aware that you have a responsibility then to meet them half way with moods and attitudes. Or at least, not try to argue them out of their optimism. If you spend your time with them trying to demonstrate that their happy life is all a lack of understanding that actually things are just about to go horribly wrong for them, in line with your own view of life, it will not do either of you any good.
ReplyDelete"I think life would quickly become bland if we opted to fill this ring entirely with 'happy clappers'. But isn't it worth going a little out of your way to benefit from being with those who generally lift your spirits rather than dampen them?"
ReplyDeleteWow - way to go on limiting your life! I read that as "you can have this much, but no more" What kind of way is THAT to live? I LOVE spending my time with what you disparagingly refer to as "happy clappers". And I feel great for it.
It's great you get so much pleasure from happy clappers. I know we will all be pleased that you don't spend your whole life miserable and that you positively enjoy this type of company. Good for you and long may it continue. Are your so called happy clappers from your church? Correct me if I am wrong but I think the term happy clappers originated from acoustic guitar and tambourine playing evangelical church goers who performed near the pulpits of their churches presumably to cheer the congregation up and get them clapping. It's so good it works for you!
DeleteEven when I am not at my best, there are times when I will to reach out to someone else in distress, as it can benefit me to feel useful, but I think one has to be careful to protect oneself. For instance, although I have much admiration for the work of MIND, as a rule I don't attend their events, as I find being with other depressives can bring even further down
DeleteThis doesn't mean I will not reach out to fellow suffers, but I can only do this if I am feeling well in myself.
As for "happy clappers", they can sometimes be a bit too much, as my definition of them are people who are excessively happy. After all, with sufficient medication, we could all think the world wonderful all the time, but it's a bit unrealistic.
Equally hang out with people who aren't feeling too good and make them smile! (Then go and refuel your engines with a proper cheerful person)
ReplyDeleteI can't understand why some people are so happy, and why they don't see things the same way as me. I honestly don't see the world as a happy place, and i struggle to talk to people because they all infuriate me or bore me. I don't know what to do about that. I try forcing myself to speak to people but I often find it's a waste of time.
ReplyDeleteIn my experience it takes many years to find one or two really good friends or put it another way. people with whom you can spend some time, maybe a couple of hours or so, and come away feeling OK about them and yourself. I have moved around the country quite a bit and I can honestly say, it's taken until now to feel I am living in an area which is me and am amongst a few people who accept me for who I am. I don't work anymore which is a great help in having the time to seek out such people. For someone who has been diagnosed with depression or a related illness, it takes a long time to feel really comfortable with other people. But it only needs to be one person. I think "happy clappers" are not normal either, i e people who pretend..and they must be pretending..to be happy all the time. As you say, they are difficult to understand and unrealistic. There is a balance to be struck. Keep on looking and avoid happy clappers at all cost. LOL (But don't avoid outwardly cheerful people on principle. Not a good thing. Give them a chance however brief).
DeleteAre you giving yourself a fair chance to get to know these people well and to really explore their depths? Or are you deciding that they are not worth talking to based on a surface exploration? It sounds as though you have already made up your mind that most folk are not worth talking too ergo by not making an effort to get to know them you may be skimming the surface and proving yourself correct?
DeleteMax, you could try pretending that people are nice, interesting or, at least, a bit better than the other option - social isolation. My spouse thinks like you but does a job which demands he is nice to all kinds of people. I honestly think his pretending to be outgoing and cheerful at work helps to keep him stable.
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