I suspect we all know someone who appears to skate through life seemingly untouched by the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune. If things do ever go wrong (and they'll almost certainly claim that this hardly ever happens to them) they appear to brush them off as meaningless, puffing that they're unaffected.
Superficially we may envy them. How useful, we might think, to have a hide that's thick enough to be able to ignore life's misfortunes. How nice to never fret about problems and setbacks.
I wonder, though. Maybe a person who's apparently so immune to day-to-day disasters will also be somewhat insensitive to life's brighter moments? Perhaps, too, they're relatively self-centred, and have only a low regard for those around them?
To be honest, it seems realistic to react to bad times and unhappy events. After all, isn't that part of what makes us human?
True resilience, I think, starts with an acknowledgement that you're going through a rough patch. It's not about pretending that everything is fine.
But then it continues with the awareness that, given sufficient time, things often improve. It's also helpful to look back at difficult times in the past, with a view to learning what worked for you then.
Perhaps you found it useful to talk things through with someone? Maybe you wrote a letter which enabled you to gather your thoughts? Alternatively a long walk in the country might have been part of the answer for you?
I think we each have our individual strategies for tackling adversity. There's a lot of sense in asking yourself what yours is, then having it ready for some day when it may again be useful.
I am lucky enough to live near a beach and this is where I find my solace when I am finding things tough. The beach is close to where I grew up and during times of upheaval, I get comfort from knowing that the beach will always be there and and is always the same. I love the sound of the sea, whether it is calm or rough, I love the open space, the colours.
ReplyDeleteyes the sea is wonderful, to look at and listen to in all weathers. i think jon is probably right when he suggests that those who rarely complain or admit they have gone through bad times, probably, sadly for them, but irritatingly for us, don't experience the highs either. it could be a lack of imagination or something they cannot help maybe. having broken my wrist, i am trying to adopt a positive attitude, or rather a no nonsense non whingeing feeling sorry for myself attitude. my true natural instinctive approach is probably somewhere inbetween, and before i got into moodscope, would have been very doom laden. at this time, i need to behave more like the person who does not experience the high and lows and would i suspect just put thier trust in the medics to treat them and get on with life as best as they can. without questioning if the pain is normal, maybe something is wrong etc etc!
ReplyDeletei have just spent a very enjoyable half hour listening to a programme about eric clapton. great msic and i doubt if i would have been here to hear it had i not had my accident.
So I wanted to offer another perspective here. It seems to me that there is a tendency of us all to believe that circumstances inevitably affect how we feel. I always find it interesting for instance when people say things like 'The weather is miserable' or, as I overheard on a train platform on Friday "Today's going to be really bad", talking about the snow coming in.
ReplyDeleteThe weather is not miserable or bad, the weather is just doing what it does, it's just weather, it just happens. It has no meaning.
If we can get that our being-ness does not have to be tied to external circumstances then we can find liberation and power, replacing being someone to whom things happen with powerful actions and ways of being which enliven.
For me I associate snow with transformation, the way it covers everything and creates new landscapes, new soundscapes and new experiences. So when snow approaches I feel excited!
For me, this is not about having a thick skin, it's about having things appear differently, in ways of our own choosing: there is power in this, and there is vulnerability.
Thanks for your daily posts.
Jon
Continuing with the car analogy... When things are going well it's fine to bowl along in top gear on the flat, but when you come to a hill if you continue to boot it in top gear the engine starts to struggle and half way up the hill it burns out and you are forced to pull over. You call the repair team who eventually fix your engine. If you then restart on the hill and continue trying to thrash it in top gear, guess what, it breaks down again. If only you'd changed down and taken it more slowly you would have made it up the hill and be cruising down the other side.
ReplyDeleteLearning to change down gear when we come across natural obstacles in life is just as important as changing down gear when driving up a hill. There will always be "hills" but if we can take them at the "right" pace we'll actually progress better on our journey.
So learn to slow down, not only will you not burn out the engine, you may be surprised how much more of life you "see".
This was one of those posts that arrived just as I needed it - so thank you Jon.
ReplyDeleteI am feeling overwhelmed and saddened today - by taking on too much I have not been acting with the integrity that is important to me. The car analogy has reminded me that perhaps I need to stop my car altogether, make a few minor repairs, get the engine back in top form and then re-start my journey.
As I look out at the beautiful snow and think of the plants buried underneath, and seeds waiting to germinate - just like nature sometimes it is good to stop and wait until the time is right.......................