If a shepherd gives away three of his fifty sheep, he has a smaller flock than he began with.
When a greengrocer gives away half his apples as free samples, there's less in his shop than there was when he opened that morning.
Should a millionaire give away half her fortune, her bank account would be less flush than it was.
It goes without saying that there are some things in life - sheep, apples, money for example - whose quantity diminishes as you distribute them. I give to you, then you have some of what I had, while I now have less.
But of course there are other things which don't leave us worse off when we give them away. I've typed this message, for instance, which is now on your computer or phone. But it's also still on my mine. If you recorded a version of The Yellow Rose of Texas on your ukulele and sent me an MP3 (Thanks. Just what I always wanted.) we'd both have copies.
So, thank goodness some would say, the idea of depletion through giving-away falls apart in the digital world. It's a principle, after all, which is part of what underpins the information revolution, but as a matter of fact it's nothing new.
Consider my Exhibit H: Help. If you give me your help, do you somehow have less of it to give? Well, not really. Help is a mysterious resource which can be given, or not, in a seemingly infinite range of amounts - without taking anything away from us.
Giving lots of help may of course tire us - even overload us at times. Broadly, however, giving your help doesn't cost you. In fact it's even better than that, as it could even leave your emotional bank balance better off than it was. Helping others can make you feel good in and of itself, and what's not to like about that?
I imagine there won't be too many opportunities to give away sheep today. So why not think about giving away some of your help?
The trouble with helping others, for me at least is that I do that all the time. mostly because of my nature, upbringing etc but also because possibly I do not value myself enough to want to help myself. I know people who put themselves first and will help themselves before helping anyone else. I am the opposite. I think! It's called self protection for these others I know. Obviously there is so much value in helping others but sometimes I have helped others too much and I have suffered as a consequence. (Another reason for me helping others so much is that that's all I feel I have to give or contribute).
ReplyDeleteDear Julia, I feel for you so much. I was also brought up to "serve" others, put others first. I came to realise that often me or my help and caring was not noticed or appreciated and could leave me feeling low and a non-person. Eventually I decided to give my help and attention only where I wanted to. My advice is that you are as important and as "worthy" as those others, therefore you should "help yourself" too! Please believe that your value is not measured by what you do, in this case for others, but by who you are i.e. something much deeper. Care for yourself and go well today. Eileen.
ReplyDeleteThank you Eileen. I will stick to this..give my help and attention only where I want to. Your words have focused me.
DeleteLife in this helping area has got better now I don't work. Then, I used to help many of my work colleagues with the result that they got promoted and eventually I was made redundant (to cut a long story short!).
But my eagerness to help others still exists with people I meet in my non working life now and I am very grateful for your advice. A late new year resolution for me!
I have the same thing. Helping other DOES 'cost'! Therefore I got some therapy and now I don't help out of a certain 'reflex' but just because I want to. I still tend to take other ppls problems a little too much to heart tho. But again, learning! I am not afraid to ask for (practical) help. It's a boundaries thing for me. CC
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